Who am I? T. (61) from central Israel, divorced plus two children and six grandchildren. Education Ministry pensioner: “I took early retirement, on a medical basis about 10 years ago.” Today she cares for babies and in her leisure time serves as a babysitter.
Housing: “I live alone in my own four-room apartment. I bought the apartment, located in Rishon LeZion’s city center, 20 years ago from a contractor. I’m paying a mortgage of 3,700 shekels. I have four more years left before the apartment becomes mine.”
Working Hours: “I work as much as I can, five days a week, eight hours a day caring for a baby. Additionally, I work occasionally as a babysitter in the evenings.”
Free Time: “When I can, I babysit my grandchildren and prefer that my son and daughter-in-law go out and enjoy themselves.
I’m a fan of theater and music. In the past, when I was in a relationship, I used to go out much more. On Saturdays, I sometimes go on trips.”
Income: 6,200 shekels salary and a pension of 6,400 shekels.
Employment History: “In the past, I worked for 30 years in the Ministry of Education. Over the last decade, I lectured at the Open University in the field of education.”
Education: “A master’s degree in education. Workshops and courses in the spiritual field.”
Bank Account Status: “I’m no longer in overdraft; that word doesn’t exist in my vocabulary anymore. I informed the bank that from now on, I would ensure my account has a minimum balance of 1,500 shekels. Since going through the process with Paamonim, I’ve managed to save money. I borrowed 20,000 shekels from a friend to cover my overdraft and managed to repay it last month after saving up the amount.”
How I Got into Debt: “I was addicted to shopping. The addiction was emotional. I found solace and release in shopping, and it was beyond my control. Thoughts of shopping consumed me day and night. I didn’t even need to leave the house. I didn’t shop online on eBay or AliExpress, but I bought from Isracard catalogs, called stores, and shopped through apps. I searched for things to buy and didn’t buy what I actually needed.
I ended up spending thousands of shekels a day. Once, I bought a pair of shoes that cost me 3,000 shekels. To avoid hesitation, I would buy four pairs instead of just one. This started when I was still married, and my ex-husband would limit me. It drove me crazy. I remember myself 40 years ago, filling my cart with items, emptying shelves. After my divorce, I had to stand on my own and buy a house. I also had two other apartments in the south of the country, which I rented out. I lost both of them due to my shopping addiction and the overdrafts I reached. For over 15 years, I lived this way, in a loop. I was always in overdraft, taking loans, paying off debts, and ending up in the same place again.
I bought everything: shoes, clothes, bags, pots. I didn’t just buy for myself but also for my children and grandchildren. I entered stores and received a lot of attention. They doted on me and courted me, and I left thousands of shekels there, payment after payment. At some point, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I underwent surgery and radiation. After recovering, I completely lost control and went back to reckless spending. A psychologist referred me to Paamonim. I didn’t want to change because I was comfortable in my addiction, and it felt good there.
The root of my addiction was a basic need for love. It was a form of compensation, but also deception. For me, shopping and spending were an attempt to seek love and recognition from others, stemming from a lack of self-love. My shopping was an attempt to find love in another way, through compensation, but it wasn’t the love I truly longed for. The satisfaction was fleeting, followed by disappointment and frustration.
One day, I realized the addiction controlled me, and the story I told myself—that excessive shopping calmed me and made me feel good—wasn’t true. The addiction managed me and took over my life. Admitting the truth wasn’t easy, but when I realized I depended on loans, banks, and overdrafts, and that I chose to be a victim of manufacturers, companies, and malls that do everything to tempt you into more purchases, more deals, and more discounts, I decided to try and make a change. I took responsibility for my life and started a path of peace, calm, security, and optimism.”
How I Dealt with the Debt: “Six months ago, I started a process with my Paamonim mentor, Frida—I call her ‘my saving angel.’ She asked me to prepare bank statements showing all my expenses over the last three months. Those statements showed me, in black and white, how ashamed I should be. At my age, I was irresponsible regarding my present and future.
The day before my first meeting with Frida, I bought a TV recliner for 7,800 shekels because I knew it would be my last big splurge. Frida showed concern and care for me; she worried about my future, something I didn’t see at all. It was clear to me that I couldn’t continue to dismiss her and keep spending. The biggest motivator for my change was shame—realizing that I wasn’t managing my life properly and that I was channeling my frustrations and wounds into a shopping addiction instead of addressing my issues. Frida supported me for several months. She was there for me 24/7, offering a shoulder to lean on with no judgment. Every month, we reviewed my expenses and looked for areas to cut. The only thing I constantly refused to cut was what I gave to my grandchildren and children. I love spoiling them because it makes me happy, and eating out with them is quality time. I surprised myself and her because the change happened so quickly—I guess it was time.
Now, I recognize the signs (thoughts and plans about what to spend money on). I’m not a saint, of course—there are still expenses—but when I was addicted, I wouldn’t buy one outfit in one color, but several. Today, I enter stores and leave most of the time without buying anything, and then I say to myself, ‘Look how much you saved now.'”
Monthly Fixed Expenses:
- Mortgage: 4,000 shekels
- Car loan: 1,500 shekels
- Health insurance: 1,200 shekels
- Fuel: 350 shekels
- Maintenance fees: 250 shekels
- Food: 1,000 shekels
- Electricity: 250 shekels
- Healthcare fund: 270 shekels
- Savings plan: 4,500 shekels
- Recliner payment (for two more years): 250 shekels
- Mobile phone: 80 shekels (for one year)
- Mobile service: 30 shekels
- Cable TV: 215 shekels
- Tolls: 100 shekels
- Property tax and water: 520 shekels
- Internet: 110 shekels
- Restaurants: 500 shekels
- Clothing and footwear: 100 shekels
Car: “Kia Niro 2016, cost after discount: 120,000 shekels. I bought it a year and two months ago from the company.”
Variable Expenses:
- Comprehensive and mandatory car insurance: 4,000 shekels
- Vehicle inspection: 1,800 shekels
- Annual garage maintenance: 900 shekels
- Three annual trips abroad: minimum 5,000 shekels each (includes hosting children and meals)
What I Gave Up: “Mainly shoes, bags, and clothes.”
Future Plans: “To travel abroad frequently with my children and grandchildren and, at the same time, save as much as possible. Today, I save for my dreams.”
Dreams: “To find a partner and get married.”
Tip from Frida Naveh, Paamonim Volunteer:
“Have shopping habits taken over your life? If you want to reduce expenses, the goal is to build new habits, which isn’t an easy or simple task. Changing consumption and behavioral patterns is inherently psychological rather than financial. The way we use money is significantly influenced by emotional factors. You may find many reasons why cutting expenses isn’t possible, but you can sit down and think carefully about each excuse and consider whether change is indeed possible.”